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One Sky is a custom text based roleplay site, set in a world beyond our own. Technologically modern, though taking place in a more ancient to medieval setting - you join the world as a mortal. The site is player driven as well as plot driven, with the backstory being only a basis for your character to get involved in this new world, known as Aleha.
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 Paradise or Abyss

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Last Temptation
Last Temptation

Posts : 38
Message : In your eyes. The light the heat.
Location : Your eyes. I am complete.

Character Profile
Race: Human
Class: Conjurer
Title: Wanderer

PostSubject: Paradise or Abyss   Sun May 09, 2010 6:04 pm

Paradise or Abyss
A short memoir by Last Temptation
"All that live must die, passing through nature to eternity." - William Shakespeare
It's funny how one mistake can affect everything in your life. I was just any other 15 year old kid until the day I saw fit to conform to the newest social trend. I was at a party, and some of the other teens were standing around smoking a cigarette. Even though I wasn't particularly fond of the smell, which could actually be described as vile, an urge struck me at that moment. I followed the rules society and government put forth, had excellent grades, and for what? Nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough. Those in my life that pushed me into being a good, respectable person only seemed to push me more and more, and everyone seemed to have an opinion on what I should do like they had my future pre-decided. No-where could a dreamer like me be so alone. After being offered a cigarette by an oddly tall, discouragingly intimidating bald man, the urge for rebellion was strong enough for me to actually go through with it, and so I did. That's where it all started.

Now I lie in a hospital bed with each passing day more emotionally and physically painful than the last. Twenty long years have gone by since the night of that party, and yet I can remember it so vividly, as if my mind and memory is punishing me for it. I grabbed my chest with swift movement as I felt surges of pain in sync with every heartbeat, and blood quickly began to pour from my mouth. There was much frantic yelling going on around me, but I either wasn't coherent or conscious enough to make out the words. My eyes blurred. Could this be the end of me? Was this all my life amounted to? I always wanted to be someone important, someone that could shape the world into something magnificent and find peace in it's true meaning. I could feel darkness washing over me, and I cried out in despair right before being engulfed by it completely.

Light came back as my eyes slowly opened and flickered. Was I in heaven? My question was answered immediately after looking around, and I let out a small sigh. I was still in the hospital. If there was a "death" figure like in the movies, it was having fun toying with me. Each night was the same. Close to death encounters without dying, and then waking in disappointment. How could they let a man go on in such a way? The uncontrollable defacation, the constant pain and the inability to even speak made me feel as if I had no dignity. I wanted to die! My life wasn't really a life anymore. I would just lay there and watch the day go by. Was it hard to understand that I had no purpose in being alive anymore? I knew that I wouldn't get what I wanted, but that didn't stop me from wanting it.

The most painful part of it was having family visit. It didn't matter with most people because by then I was used to seeing pity on people's faces, but that didn't account for my close family. It was obvious that this was a huge blow to the wife and kids especially, and morale had been down at home because of it. My son was fighting at school, despite me already asking him to behave. My daughter was stealing money and shoplifting, my wife was struggling to handle it all, and yet I couldn't do anything to help. I think that my wife actually resented me a little bit for getting sick, like I was giving up on them. There it was. I watched as my wife, daughter, and son walked through the door and over to my bedside. My wife grabbed onto my hand and squeezed. I opened my mouth to try to speak but no words would form. It was no use, I really couldn't say anything to them no matter how much I wanted.

I could tell by the look in their eyes that they needed me. They needed me to be the leader, and say that everything was going to be okay. It was as if they were pleading with their eyes, but I couldn't reassure them. Not only was I incapable, but to do that would be to give them false hope, and I didn't want to do that. I was going to die. I knew it, my wife knew it, and my kids knew it, they just didn't want to believe it. Maybe if I was stronger, I could talk, and explain to them that they didn't need to be afraid or sad. That hopefully we would still meet up one day in some form of an afterlife. Maybe I was putting too much hope in it.

They stayed for hours this time, just looking at me. Other than my wife speaking to the occasional nurse, it was uncomfortably silent. I always hated being the center of attention, especially under the current circumstances. I watched as the people in my life that I loved most cried their eyes out over me. To be honest, I felt guilty, and I knew that they didn't blame me for putting them through this pain, but it was actually my fault. I could have stopped like so many had advised me to, and instead of listening to them, I shrugged it off. I deeply regret not listening now.

My fingers' twitched and my eyes blurred even more. The doctors had told me that it would be sometime soon, and I could feel myself getting weaker with every second. My daughter noticed my increasing pain, and began to cry even louder. This was it. I needed to get my last thoughts down for my family. I motioned for a pen and paper with my hands, and a nurse quickly grabbed what she could find and ran to me. I was going to pass on, because I am dying of lung cancer, and so I write,

"I'm afraid as you know the amount of time I have to write is limited, so I will have to be brief. With every inch of my heart and soul, I loved you. You are my family, and not just apart of my life, you were my life. Should my mind reach an afterlife, Paradise or Abyss, I will forever be thinking of you. Goodb"

And I fade away...

. . .

"Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil. Who is standing center stage advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours."
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